Red curtains, Red candles, Erotic wallpaper @ “The Little Bay”, Kilburn

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My date chose exceptionally well; it was to be our final date. “We aren’t compatible enough” were her words on WhatsApp the next morning. She was looking for commitment – I laughed to myself. I couldn’t offer that… Not with her anyway. It was my first time dating a Jewish girl. Growing up in the Welsh countryside the Jewish circle was non-existent. However, now in London, I should easily be able to fulfill my dreams in finding a ‘Jewish Princess’. The apps “Jcrush” and “Jswipe” are helping out. Both are similar to the sex hunting monopoly-matching dating phenomenon “Tinder”, but for Jews. It should be noted that “willing to convert” is an option for your level of “Jewishness”. If you’re not Jewish and finding a Jew is your glass of wine, look no further.

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So she picked a good one – “The Little Bay”. A chain of six restaurants: Battersea, Brighton, Belgrade, Croydon, Farringdon and Kilburn. I travelled north to meet her in Kilburn, the most appropriate location for a North London lassie. From the outside, I wasn’t captivated, but upon entering I was assured by the ultra voguish interior and upbeat vibes. A mixture of church, brothel, spa and restaurant, the architecture was creative, daring and rambunctious. Red candles, red curtains and erotic wallpaper I was in my element. Tables were crammed into the highest and lowest of places. It was a never-ending higgledy-piggledy mess. But it was a dam quirky and majestic higgledy-piggledy mess.

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Starter

Our table was awkwardly positioned and required squeezing and bending to reach. But after making it, our new home was a stimulating curtained off cavern. Service was prompt, polite and executed with a genuine and responsive attitude from start to finish. Drink options were limited. Two types of beer: Budvar and Becks. London’s local microbrewery craft successes were missing. I was confused at the two food menus available. I never understand this in restaurants but it must work for them. I was shocked by the prices – exceptional for London. Starters @ £4.25 and Mains @ £7.25. I opted for Fresh brown crab profiteroles to start and cod fillet baked with chorizo, aubergine, tomato and red wine, topped with cucumber spaghetti for main.

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Main

I enjoyed dinner. It tasted honest and homemade. Nothing fancy but I was charmed from my first bite to my empty plate. Two starters, two mains and two alcoholic drinks totalled in at £31.00. Value for money – “The Little Bay” gets a solid 8.5/10. Overall: a quality place for an affordable meal. I’m a big fan of its unique character which felt like an adult themed obstacle course. Dates, mates and family would love it – unless they’re prudish. Not a place for a business lunch, unless you’re in the creative sector. I can’t imagine bankers in suits venturing through the restaurant at ease. It would be awkward. But if you’re fun, book a table!

Taste: 7

Atmosphere: 8

Drinks: 5.5

Service: 7

Value For Money: 8.5

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